| April 17th, 2005 |
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I have just seen a particularly bad film on ITV. 'Volcano' tells the everyday story of a divorcee father trying to juggle the conflicting requirements of looking after his moody 13yo daughter and saving a major urban centre from total anhiliation. Apart from a large collection of moments where people stood and looked at lava coming towards them and, ultimately, killing them rather than running away and countless moments where people seemed unable to identify the hot glowing red stuff coming towards them until the hot scientist (the ugly one died early on so that is fine) told them all it was lava.
The protagenists repeatedly placed themselves in hazardous situations for no readily apparent reason then proceeded to get themselves out of the situation, often sacrificing one or two bystanders in order to rescue the increasingly pointless daughter from the lava. The daughter was then sent to the local hospital where, like all 13yo girls, she looked after all the cute basin-headed children who were injured (we know they were injured because they all had dirty faces and bandages in obvious places).
Meanwhile the scientist puts herself in hazardous situations once more in order to make sure that the report of lava in the underground system from various workmen (one of whom sacrificed his life whilst spouting bits of the Bible) is in fact lava at 675 degF rather than 300degF (her visit appeared to have no other purpose).
They now find out that the lava will in fact erupt underneath the hospital where the sick have been sent and, in fact, where the 13yo daughter is looking after every cute kid in the city - oh the irony! Luckily a 'so crazy it might just work' plan is hatched to deflect the lava which involves the demolition of a brand new tower block (oh the irony once more) in order to deflect the flow. The demolition provides a wonderful opportunity for yet more self-sacrifice and 'I'm not-a-goin to leave a man down'-style American hero-masturbation.
Meanwhile the daughter has followed cute basin-headed kid into the to-be-demolished towerblock and, like all children who wander off for no good reason, the kid has found the most dramatic point to stand (in sight of her father who has just ordered the explosion). The daughter and kid are now in front of a building whish is slowly being exploded so, logically, she doesn't run away but stands shouting at her dad who is running towards her ins slow motion. Unfortunately the explosions don't have a sufficient sense of drama and continue to explode at notmal speed. The dad reaches the daughter in time and rugby tackles her, moving her 3 or 4 feet away from where she was standing. The building now does not kill her. Lucky she had her dad to move her that 3 or 4 feet eh?
Finally, just when you had managed to ignore the stupid racist cop sub-story [whereby a big-black man tries to get a cop to help his neghbourhood but the cop instead arrests him but when the crisis deepens the black man works together with the cop to move some concrete (moral: don't be racist against black people, they are good for manual work because black people are strong don't ya know)] we get the truly horrible climax where the cute basin-headed kid is pulled from the collapsed tower block and the hard-yet-compassionate cop asks what his mother looks like and the kid looks around everyone covered in ash and says 'everyone looks the same' (block or white, don't matter when we're all covered in carciogenic ash). Cue stirring music and cop looking around laughing having a 'moment'. Then God intervenes and makes it rain causing the ash to be washed off and people to be revealled as block or white making everyone Think (TM). Ultimately the hot scientist and manly crisis management bloke cop off into the sunset while manly crisis bloke realises he has to spend more time with his daughter.
Absolute bilge. |
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Hypothetically (and I am talking hypothetically Apple lawyers) given that I have pre-ordered and paid for a copy of OS X Tiger would it be immoral to torrent a copy in order to test DM with it? I imagine it still would be illegal within the terms of the Copyright Act so I'm only really asking w.r.t. the morality of the action. |
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